I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
