New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it's like iHOP with fire
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
