I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
