There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
