Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Your dad touched me again.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
