they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
