Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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