Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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