There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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