And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
FUCK WHALES
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
