can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
