you would pick up someone in the library
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
