someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
