Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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