I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
