my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
