Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
