Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
