Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
