i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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