I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
