I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
