I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
