Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
