i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
