dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
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Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
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he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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