If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
