I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
