no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
