She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You took a bar mat shot.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
