gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
