he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
