thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just high enough for therapy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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