you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
