so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize