We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I need to calm my uterus...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
