Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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