i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
