that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
