Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
