If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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