i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
did you just send me my own nude
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