It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's blow job season.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
