He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
