I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
