Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
