We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
