we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
