i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
