Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
