And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
