she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
