you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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