So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
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I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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