he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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