I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
