Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
