I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
