My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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