last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
