Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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