i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
