whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
tell me about the fingering
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