Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
