i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
