The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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