I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
