Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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